


Seducing at the Gay Bar Hmmm Museum.

by Little_R



Series: John Watson's Lovely Bum [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Jealous!Sebastian, John's Butt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 19:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_R/pseuds/Little_R
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock needs to get information for a case, so he sends John in tight leather trousers to charm some information. Sebastian isn't pleased. John isn't pleased. And Sherlock and Sebastian bond over some "John-Watching".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seducing at the Gay Bar Hmmm Museum.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're reading this CaptainFreeman thank you for inspiring me with your awesome story! And thank you to everyone else who has been reading or commenting this! You're the best! =)
> 
> I don't own anything, like Sherlock would say "obviously". He has said "obvious" and "obviously" more times than there's episodes.
> 
> And I made this happen at a museum instead of a gay bar, I guess I just really want John to try seduce anyone in a room full of stone penises....*snickers at the thought* (and it would've ended with Sebastian pulling John into a closet anyway)
> 
> I kind of fell sorry for doing his to John. And I'm embarrassed for writing this.

Part Three: Seducing At The Gay Bar Hmmm Museum.

 

The trio walked up a street that led to the museum.

 

“So what you're saying is that we are NOT going to a gay bar?” Sebastian said angrily.

 

“Yes. That's what I am saying. I can write it down on a piece of paper if your mid can't hold the information.”

 

“Sherlock! Stop insulting my boyfriend.”

 

Sebastian threw an arm around John's waist at this and a “Ha!-In-Your-Razor-Sharp-Cheekbones-Face!” smile at a glaring Sherlock.

 

“But he made me repeat myself!”

 

“You were the one who lied to make us come along.”

 

“Yes... What's wrong with that?” Sherlock asked obviously.

 

“You made me dress up in gay bar clothes when I'm going to a museum! That's what’s wrong!” Sebastian said accusingly. “Now I'm dressed up like a stereotypical homosexual military man!”

 

Sherlock threw Sebastian a look. “I don't see any difference from what you usually wear.”

 

“How can you not see any difference?! I am wearing tight attention seeking clothes like a peacock with a military theme and dog tags that are impossible not to look at!”

 

“Like I said. No difference from your usual outfits.”

 

Sebastian would probably have punched his cheekbones in if it wasn't for John who squeezed his hand gently as a warning.

 

“If we've all calmed down and agreed that we're going to a museum, I would like to change clothes. I'm not going to a museum in tight leather trousers.”

 

Sherlock threw him a look. “You should have said that _before_ we took a cab here.”

 

“You didn't tell us the real plan until it was too late!”

 

“No! If John changes trousers I'm out of here!” Sebastian said stubbornly, like the little child he was when it came to John's ass.

 

“I agree with Sebastian.” this caused John to stare at his flatmate in horror. “Not because I want to see your arse! You wearing tight clothes will most likely help our case.”

 

“Why are we going to act gay in a museum again?”

 

“ _Because_ a criminal in the higher ring of London's ex-lover has been black mailing everyone he got the dirt on. This young man is without a doubt an University student with a taste for cultural things. And where would a posh, gay student who doesn't need to study spend an afternoon? On a museum, of course! The exhibit for Greek historical art, to be exact.”

 

“Why the Greek exhibit?” Sebastian asked.

 

Sherlock just threw him a look that clearly said that he was being obvious and an idiot.

 

“So I am going to seduce a bratty student?” John asked.

 

“He's around 25 years old, so you don't have to worry about him being a teen.” Sherlock said with a wave of his hand.

 

“That's not the problem! Well it's not the only one! I'm in a relationship. Which means that I can't seduce random people for cases any more!”

 

This cute little rant made Sebastian smile, until he heard the “any more” part. “What do you mean with 'any more'?!”

 

John looked at his boyfriend. “I haven't slept with anyone for a case if it's that you're worried about. Sherlock simply likes to make me flirt information out of people.”

 

“And it always works perfectly!”

 

John threw Sherlock a look. “You know, not _all_ gay men go crazy for me.”

 

Sherlock scoffed at this and threw John an unbelieving look.

 

“He has a point, love. You're like adorable catnip for gay men. Trust me I know. And I’m not only talking about personal experience then.”

 

“And you're okay with this?”

 

“Of course I'm not! If the detective thinks I’m going to just stand and watch while you get friendly with a rich brat he has an other way of thinking.” 

 

“Why Sebastian? You're such a lousy boyfriend that you think that John will run away with the first man that says “hello” to him?” Sherlock asked with a condescending smirk.

 

Sebastian growled at the detective. “Bring it on, Cheekbones! Johnny! I'm totally okay with you flirting away today.” Sebastian said without breaking eye-contact with Sherlock.

 

John looked from his flatmate to his boyfriend a few times before sighing. 

 

“Okay. Whatever.”

 

XXX

 

Sherlock had said that their man would doubtlessly wear the expensive ruby tie-pin that he had blackmailed to get from a jewel maker, a jewel maker who liked to frequent gay bars in women clothing. And no, he hadn't even had time to tell them that, Sherlock had deduced it from his coat-hangers and how he wore his (very plain) socks.

 

So it was John's job to walk around in the hall for the Greek stuff while trying to look for a young man with a ruby tie-pin and pretending to focus on the naked statues that were doing...things.

 

He thought it went pretty okay. Even with his non-stopping “ _I’m wearing tight trousers and starring at stone penises. I’m wearing tight trousers and starring at stone penises. I’m wearing tight trousers and starring at stone penises. This is more gay than fucking a bloke._ ” rant.

 

“The one that you're currently looking at is called “The Hedgehog and The Otter”. A voice behind him said. “Because the man that's supposed to portrait “The Hedgehog” is on his back while “The Otter” is sticking his penis into his-”

 

“Yeah. I can see that.” John said with a forced smile while turning around to face the man.

 

He had brown, thick and wavy hair and a face that looked like it was stuck in mocking but handsome grimace. He also had a ruby tie-pin.

 

“Tommy Farquhars. Hi!” (because that's how _all_ gay men say “Hi”) Tommy said while looking John up and down approvingly. This made John feel like his trousers were even more revealing.

 

“John!” John answered with a slightly panicked voice while he reached out his hand to offer a hand shake.

 

It was the gayest hand shake Dr John Watson had ever had (not that there's any wrong with gay hand shakes!), even the times he had given blokes hand jobs were more straight than this. Tommy only stopped locking his eyes with his, when they wandered down to look at his fingers when they lingered on John's hand before he finally let go. It was beyond creepy that he even looked at John's hand like it was a delicious treat. Why would he be so interested in John's hand? What could it possible do for him?....oh come on! That's very inappropriate! Does Tommy think that he's some promiscuous teen? Well he did wear very tight _leather_ trousers....but the point still remains!

 

John was wakened from his inner rant with Tommy repeating something. John shock his head to clear his thoughts.

 

“I'm sorry. What did you say?”

 

Tommy didn't seem too displeased by having to repeat himself.

 

“I asked what brought you here? Most people don't go to museums dressed for gay clubs.” Tommy said with a smirk while he made a hand gesture at John's outfit. An outfit that consisted of a snug blue T-shirt with some descent amount of cleavage ( _Oh God – I'm wearing T-shirts with cleavages on cases now. Where did my life go so wrong?_ ) that brought out his eyes, his dog tags and tight leather trousers (Sherlock had taken his jacket...apparently it would destroy his chances for seducing).

 

John smiled a charming smile ( _Curse you, Sherlock, for making me used to this! Curse you!_ ) and said in his most charming voice. “I've heard it's how you meet the most interesting people.” he even finished with a wink. _Oh God...I'm flirting with a 25-year old....I feel ridiculous..._

 

Tommy’s smile widened and he put an arm around John's waist and persuaded John that he “ _absolutely_ _had to_ _give him a full tour”_ which John respond that he “ _couldn't possibly take advantage of a so nice and charming man's time”_ which Tommy waved away with a satisfied smile and a description how “ _it wouldn't be wasting my time, dear. But a perfect opportunity for us to get to know each other.”._

 

XXX

 

And where were Sherlock and Sebastian doing when this occurred? They were very discretely hiding in a bush (it's always a bush...) and emmm... _observing_ John Watson. And yes, Sherlock looked very much like a _not so very_ discrete ninja...or spy....or Batman... 

 

A little child had pointed at them and asked “Ma! Why ar' the two missteres hiding? Are they spies?”. To which both Sebastian and Sherlock turned their heads to _hiss_ at the child before the mum quickly dragged her child away from the two strange men.

 

Sebastian was doing fine. He was doing really _fucking_ fine watching _his_ boyfriend smiling and touching that _bratty little git_ (a smile that _his_ and _his only_ ). He was definitely so _fucking_ okay with _his_ John walking that hip-swishing gait with that _little slut's_ hand dangerously close to his arse (Sebastian did _not_ growl at that no matter what Sherlock says).

 

“How long do we have to wait until the we can beat the little shit up and take him to the coppers?” Sebastian more growled than asked.

 

Sherlock changed the focus on his binoculars that had a label where it said _For John-Watching_. (One of his most used possessions. He also had a telescope with a label with the same writing on for when he couldn't get too close to John. Sebastian was considering buying a “John-Watching Package” himself now.) 

 

“John will go to us when he has gotten enough of information. Until then we'll simply _observe_.”

 

“I'll still beat the shit out of the little brat!”

 

Sherlock didn't comment that, but his lips did move up to an approving smile.

 

“Do you use that to watch my dates with John?” Sebastian asked, glancing at the binoculars.

 

Sherlock simply turned his head to stare at him before he turned back to his “John-Watching”.

 

“Looks like our target has strong demands.”

 

Sebastian's head quickly snapped to John's direction at this and saw something that really brought out the tiger in him.

 

_That little slag(!)_ leaning forward to _his_ John's who was pressed against a pillar, with one arm besides the little man's head in a casual and _very-not-cool_ pose, his attentions to the doctor clear as the day.

 

Sebastian made a growl that would put any giant feline to shame and quickly rose to his feet _this bloody case be damned!_

 

Sherlock didn't stop him, his mouth even formed into a pleasing smile, even if he could complain how Sebastian had ruined the case and how unprofessional and unpredictable he was.

 

XXX

 

_So I am currently three seconds to being snogged by a man that's 15 years younger than me. Right! How did this happen again? Oh, that's right. I have a way to just go along things and I'm apparently irresistible to gay men. That's not how my teenage self hoped that his grown-up years would be._ John thought while trying not to show any discomfort when Tommy leaned in closer and closer. 

 

_Well I have probably had worst kisses. And Sebastian said that it was okay._ He finally thought and opened his mouth slightly while closing his eyes only to be met by nothing but a surprised and displeased “Hey!” from Tommy. Shocked, he opened his eyes and was met by the sight of his boyfriend holding Tommy close to his face by his suit labels and looking absolutely terrifying with his eyes wild, face red and in an angry snarl.

 

“You get the fuck out of here, you little slut! And if I even see you 50 meters close to John again I'll smash your pretty little face against the pavement! Are we clear, Pretty Boy!?”

 

Tommy nodded, clearly very frightened, before he was dropped on his ass by Sebastian.

 

“Seba-!” was all John got out before Seb pulled him into the closest closet and slammed the door shut before the started to snog the living day light out of John while pressing him against a wall.

 

John simply chuckled and shook his head. His life was never normal between his crazy flatmate and equally crazy boyfriend and that suited him just fine.

 

XXX

 

Epilogue:

 

Tommy still sat on his butt with a pout on his face for missing the opportunity to snog some tasty eye-candy. A big shadow that fell upon him made him look up and his eyes met a tall, dark and handsome stranger who was in something that could be described as “silent rage” with icy and blue eyes jumping from different parts of him.

 

“If you don't admit that you're guilty of blackmail I'll let it be known that you cry, cram yourself with fat ice cream and hug your grey fluffy kitten whenever you watch 'The Bachelorette'.”

 

Tommy immediately paled when hearing this.

**Author's Note:**

> There's nothing wrong with men wearing "women clothes" (I think there are so such thing as men clothes and women clothes) and frequent gay bars nor is it anything to be ashamed for. It's awesome and if I insulted anyone who does that or made it look like it was a stupid thing/someone to make fun of I sincerely apologise. It wasn't my intention. It it's insulting please tell me and I'll rewrite it. 
> 
> Aaahhhh....Sherlock scaring the shit out of people to get his way....just like Batman *heroic Batman pose*
> 
> I have had this idea for ages that whenever Sherlock wants or need something he sends John in tight clothes as a way of bribery. Like: “We need a Mafia boss to admit threatening someone? I'll send John in that tight suit!”, “I need Mycroft to give me some files? John! I have a new suit for you! And can you drop by at Mycroft's office today?”, “The chemical store won't give me any discount on new equipment? Jawn!”. I'm pretty sure that it would work.
> 
> Absolutely Uninteresting Fact: I first namned Tommy "Tommy McGamn" but then I realized that I took it (ripped it off) from Andrew Scott's character in "Dead Bodies" (written by Derek Freaking Landy) who's name is "Tommy McGann", so I googled for posh surnames and found "Farquhars" (and I don't mean to insult anyone who has that as a surname, I think it's cool). And my Tommy isn't supposed to be like that Tommy in any way, the name just struck me after kind of nerding "Dead Bodies" a few days ago.
> 
> AO3 hasn't seen the last of John's butt! I still have the trousers shopping left!! *shakes fist to the sky*
> 
> Thank you for reading this! Have a faubous day! =)


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